I never said anything because for the longest time I was programmed by my abuser NOT to. I don't say anything because I was afraid. I don't say anything because I feel like there's a lot of people who simply don't care. I don't say anything because people don't want to hear the truth. I don't say anything because people are afraid to step outside of their comfort zone on social media which only shows you the pretty sides of people's lives.
It's been years after everything went down and I was able to escape to a better life. But I'm not gonna lie--it has been a serious struggle for me. I have hardly had anyone to listen. I've had to endure all of this without drugs and alcohol.
I now have a great husband and a new, wonderful family but I still stay up to 5 am, tossing and turning in my bed as I deal with the heartache and grief of what I had to endure. As I laid in my bed alone, ruminating into the spiral of my emotions and anxiety I simply thought to myself... I feel so goddamn unjustified.
People think that if I just put my time and energy into the new and good things that it will wash all of the pain away.
So many people's attitudes about all this are to just "move on" or to "get over it" but that has to be by far the most invalidating and infuriating by far. Sorry, but it doesn't work like that!
They don't understand that you just can't let go of the resentment. They don't understand the depression I still have to deal with as I think about everything that was done to me and the damage also done to my son.
It's not easy to forgive someone. And I have tried to. But I'm still not ready to after all of these years.
People think that talking about it will only make things worse. But all this time I've really needed someone to talk to. They say that a good therapy for war veterans who suffer with PTSD is for them to speak about their experiences to people. I need someone to hear me and know what I suffered because I'm tired of simply keeping my mouth shut.
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